Q: Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever
Q: What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: Accountants know they’re boring
Q: What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? A: The caterer
Q: Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? A: Cats keep trying to bury them
Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? A: Take your foot off his head.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can’t understand
Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A: From chasing parked ambulances.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q: Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? A: Because deep down, they’re really good people.